Divorce does not equal bravery

I do not hail from a broken home. I come from a dysfunctional home. My parents were married when I was growing up but were not happy. I think the broken home could have been better for all of us. I am afraid that I have two divorces well at least my first one because I never saw a marriage modeled that could succeed. With that being said...

I witnessed my first divorce when I was 17. Not mine, my parents. It was horrible. It hurt. This was a defining moment in my life that unfortunately later in life made me braver then I wish I had been. My parents went through a very bad divorce and even at 17 I suffered in several different ways. It changed who I was. It changed what I would become. I won't share in great detail about their divorce, that is their story. But I will tell you that this family destruction forced me into adulthood that I was not ready for and...put me in a situation that would lay the path for my future.

I met my first husband when I was 17 years old. I have NEVER regretted any part of our relationship. Well, yes I have. I am sorry for the years we fought. I am sorry mostly for Bryan, he is the one who always suffered. But I have never wished I didn't marry or know him. He is a good man in his fiber, like so many of us he lost his way awhile too and again Bryan suffered. Our marriage was tumultuous. That was my fault. I think because I was watching my parents bitter divorce while trying to navigate a new marriage to him. I failed him that way. And there were ways he failed me too. I don't want to talk about them or focus on them. I want to focus on what I could have done differently and better that may have saved that marriage.

Neither of us had parents with a spiritual belief that would encourage us to seek the Lord and let him guide us. I remember praying and asking God to be with us. But frankly, neither of us willingly walked with God. We were young and dumb. But we were in love. We both had to attend a counseling session during our divorce separate of one another. The counselor asked me if I would have married him again. I answered yes. I loved him. Of course I would have done it again. What I didn't know was the counselor asked him the same question. And when I read the counselors report I saw his answer. He answered yes, as I had. He would marry me again too. I knew then our marriage had failed but it had not been a waste.

The waste came with his new wife. All I will say is this. She abused my son. Physically and mentally and verbally and his dad allowed her to do it. In addition my ex-inlaw family knew this woman was abusing my son and did nothing to protect him. They also allowed it. I am proud of my son that he forgives his family. You see I consider them as guilty as the abuser. So that my friend is what I caused to happen with my divorce. I caused a lady who was a stranger to my son to come into his life and abuse him. I didn't allow it like they did, but without the divorce would she have ever known my son??? NO.

That is my cross to bear. I am thankful my son has the spirit of Christ in him and can frogive me for my part. I do not forgive an abuser or the ones who protect one. The worst thing this women did was abuse my son. But she was also a cancer to my relationship to my ex-husband. She strained our relationship and all but destroyed it. And for what? Now she is gone too. I praise God she is gone. But for 10 years that minion reaked havoc in mine and Bryan's life. She really is made of evil. And the oddity is that my ex-husband never was, so I don't know how he found and stayed with her for 10 years.

I praise God that he carried me and Bryan through the Evil Lynn years. Now Bryan has a great relationship with his dad and I have an okay one. We are moving right along and mending what had been broken. Friends, if your husband isn't abusing you or having and affair especially if you have children. PRAY. Pray hard and ask God to heal your hearts and your marriage. With the Holy Spirit you and your husband can come out of anything. Try it for the safety and happiness of your children. My son is happy and sees his dad a lot. But it is not the same. And I never realized that I was trading 1/2 of my child away. I traded every other holiday, games, weeks, pizza nights, Sunday church, and lot's more. Don't trade if you don't have too.

Watching my parents un-marriage and horrible divorce gave me the bravery to walk away from my marriage without ever looking back when I thought it was fruitless. I thought I was doing the right brave move to leave before twenty bad years had passed and I had wasted our lives with a fruitless marriage. Had I been less brave maybe I would have stayed and mended my family and saved my son from a lifetime of heartache. I wish I hadn't been so brave.