More then I thought...

Monday I had a hysterectomy.

It was scheduled because of cancer detected early and it has all been reseolved. My surgery lasted a little longer then planned but other then that every part of it was text book. I rested plenty on Monday and Tuesday and today I am feeling like tomorrow will be my last day laying in bed.

But as I have laid here I have been thinking about this event. What does it mean that my female organs have been removed? Well obviously it means no more periods. And it means I can no longer give birth. Having adopted my last three children you would assume I don't care. But I think I do. I think the finality of it bothers me. I don't think I want a baby but maybe I will. And now I don't have that choice. It bothers me.

When my second child was born I had one boy and one girl. I opted for a tubal ligation because like Elin Woods I thought my life was perfect. My life was actually the opposite of perfect. I just didn't know it at the time. While my tubes were being burned closed for the purpose of no future use my ex-husbands girlfriend was planning the birth of her first child with him as well. If I had know about the girlfriend and the baby maybe I would not have chosen that tubal ligation. But for whatever reason my ex-husband didn't feel like he needed to tell me about his pregnant girlfriend.

Years later after being married to Jeff we decided to have a baby and that ligation was reversed. That baby girl didn't make it through that pregnancy. I barely did. Losing her in the way it happened permantently damaged my reproductive organs. All going back to the first ligation. But then a graceful God stepped in and showed me a new revised plan for my life. And I was given three more children through adoption by God himself.

Okay, so I will never bear anymore children and that is probably because of one persons lie and deciet but I will still mother many children because of one persons love and compassion.

Thank you Lord for my full quiver, no matter how you fill it!